I’ve discovered there’s a lot you can do inside haunted houses.

fictionalfeather:

For example, you can:

  • be in a shampoo commercial

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  • start a boy band:

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  • spot some choice booty:

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  • break into song:

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  • see some people in frankly offensive outfits:

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  • attend a metal show:

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  • listen to some sick jams:

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  • discover zombieism:

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  • sample some tasty snacks:

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  • watch someone get burned bad:

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  • find something you really like:

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  • find something you really, really like:

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  • find something you REALLY REALLY LIKE:

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  • and wonder if you left the stove on:

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rangerkimmy:

driftingfocus:

Take note: this is how to properly disarm someone. Always go to the outside of the arm, not the inside.

ah yes I have been doing it wrong the whole time it seems cowering in fear was not the first step

rangerkimmy:

driftingfocus:

Take note: this is how to properly disarm someone. Always go to the outside of the arm, not the inside.

ah yes I have been doing it wrong the whole time it seems cowering in fear was not the first step

cranapplejuiceadvocate:

me whispering to my dog in the dark: hey.. you still up?

popmychieri:

gaydicks420:

last night i woke up because two dudes were fighting underneath my window and one dude kept screaming “BRO!! BRO YOU CALLED ME A BITCH IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE BAR BRO!! THE WHOLE BAR!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT BRO??” he sounded so heart broken. why bro. why did you do this.

dxiry:

autumn smells great because everything is dying

studip:

if u askin about my bra size u better be planning on takin ur ass down to Victoria’s Secret to buy me some nice bras

theonqreyjoy:

oceanflowerbird:

The best kinds of laughter:

  • Laughing so hard that your laugh becomes silent and you sit there clapping like a fucking seal
  • Feeling a six-pack coming up
  • Tears coming out of your eyes

#you know you’re fucked when its a combination of all three

ice-cream-and-cigarettes:

achievement-hunter:

miggylol:

pumpkin spice candles soon

pumpkin lattes soon

pumpkin everything

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scottish:

thewriters-blog:

If you ever feel like you’ve screwed up, just remember that in 1348 the Scots thought it would be a good idea to invade England because the English were weakened by the Plague. They subsequently caught the plague themselves, went back to Scotland, and killed half their own population.

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unmonroe:

swiggityswagurfab:






This guy would survive a horror movie.

This guy would survive a horror movie.

Every single time this comes up on my dash it gets funnier. Like I just fell of of my bed from laughing so hard

He hit him with a lamp. 

I love his freedom pants.

im crying omg

I am crying so much i can’t

unmonroe:

swiggityswagurfab:


This guy would survive a horror movie.

This guy would survive a horror movie.

Every single time this comes up on my dash it gets funnier. Like I just fell of of my bed from laughing so hard

He hit him with a lamp.

I love his freedom pants.

im crying omg

I am crying so much i can’t

ejacutastic:

kill the imposter

ejacutastic:

kill the imposter